Genius Mommy Moment

Do any of you have 22-month-olds who refuse to get out of the car? As soon as I unbuckle Cole, he immediately leaps out of his seat and flings himself to the opposite side of the car. I used to bother with begging, chasing him around the car, climbing in the car and physically removing him, and all manner of embarrassing antics. No more.

My latest bit of mommy wisdom (and evil trickery): Go into the house (we park in the garage), close the door and hit the panic button on the key ring. Let it honk about 5 or 6 times, then turn the panic button off. Open the door and you will see your 22-month-old perched on the edge of the doorway, ready to leap from the car, all too anxious to be picked up by mommy and taken into the house (with little heart just racing).

Oh, and try not to laugh.

Unsolicited Advice - Vol. 3: Baby Gear - part 1 - The Baby's Room

I bought a baby shower gift for a friend this morning, but almost everything on her registry was discontinued, so I just bought stuff that I thought she would need/like. Not the basics (like diapers, wipes, etc.), but the stuff that you might not even think of until you are in the moment. This, of course, got my mind whirling again. Thought I would pass some ideas on to you.

First of all, don't register until about a week before your baby shower invites go out. This morning was a case in point. Almost half of my friend's registry is no longer available, yet it was all the good stuff that she will need (crib sheets, fun decor, blankets, even a cute changing pad and bouncy seat!). Unfortunately, her shower is tomorrow, and according to the registry, I think she has received one item. And I bet her husband bought it the night they registered. It's some action video. So, if you want to get the stuff you register for, don't register too far in advance. I know, you will be DYING to register, but try to hold back.

Also, please register where people actually shop. I know there are some great little boutiques out there, but the average person won't want to spend $20 on a burp cloth. Target is your best bet. I know that when I find out a person is pregnant or just had a baby, I hop online to see their registry, then go to the store to make my purchase. Of course, in a little town like mine, WalMart would be a good choice, too (probably just for the basics, though).

So what kinds of things will you need? So glad you asked! This is the fun part! I'm going to have to break this up a bit, though, or this would be a really long post.

The baby's room:

Crib: I was given a crib (that was up to code!), which was awesome for a young couple with no money. However, if I could do it over again, I think I would splurge a little bit. I would have liked a wood-tone (boyish) sleigh style crib that converts into a full size bed. So, my advice is to buy a nice crib, especially if you plan on having more kids. You will see that crib every day for years, so you might as well like looking at it. If you do use a borrowed crib, you should REALLY make sure it is up do current safety standards. Do a google search to find out.

Bedding: Bedding has to be the cutest part of a baby's room. Unfortunately, it is not always the most practical. For example, the SIDS Alliance (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) says to keep all soft objects out of a baby's crib, including stuffed animals, pillows and blankets. So, that adorable crib blanket that you want is better off being hung on the wall. Oh, and the SIDS Alliance also recommends against a crib bumper, which is the second cutest part of baby bedding. Why? Because a child could press their face up against it and stop breathing, or they could get caught under it. Grant got caught under his a few times and it was a little scary. Besides, if you change baby sheets as often as I did, you will find that it is a royal pain to work around a crib bumper. I had one with Grant (until he started stepping on it and threatening to launch himself) and didn't have one with Cole. Do not despair, though. I think manufacturers are figuring things out and have come out with MUCH cuter crib sheets and dust ruffles. So, for baby bedding, I would recommend at least 2 crib sheets and waterproof mattress pads and a cute dust ruffle. Sounds boring, but if you hang that blanket on your painted walls and sprinkle a few pictures around the room, it will be very cute. (By the way, I tend to lean toward overly cautious when it comes to preventing SIDS because my little sister died of SIDS. That is a topic for another time.)

A comfortable chair: I understand that some babies share with siblings and there might not be enough room for a chair, but if you have the space, keep the chair in the baby's room. When the baby wakes up at night, you should NOT leave their room or they will start to think it is time to party. In my opinion, this is the reason most parents are up all night. They made the mistake of taking the baby out of the room for feeding time. If you bottle feed, make the bottle before entering the room. If you nurse, close the door, get used to the light and feed the baby in the dark room sitting in your comfortable chair. With both of my kids, I used a nice, little hand-me-down upholstered chair with low arms (perfect for resting my elbows) that had a gentle rock. The back was just low enough to rest my head back and catch a few Z's while taking care of business. I would recommend against a traditional rocking chair because they are terribly uncomfortable and the arms are way too high to rest your elbows while holding a baby. I have found gliders to be comfortable, but again, the arms are way too high. If in doubt, try it out (with a real baby in your arms, if possible).

A low dresser: Not only will you fill it with clothes, you will also provide yourself with a great surface for a changing pad and storage for diapers. Cole's room has a long dresser with a changing pad on one end. We keep his diapers in the drawer just under the changing pad. It is a perfect height and very practical.

Wall Hooks: SUPER helpful. Great for hanging diaper bags, sweatshirts and towels.

Clothes hamper: Because you will need it. Often.

Diaper pail:Some people keep dirty diaper pails in the baby's room. We did for the first couple of months until it started to smell terrible. Soon, we found ourselves keeping it in the garage. Yes, they are super nice to have. We bought the Diaper Champ (not the Diaper Genie) because it does a great job of keeping the smell trapped, you don't need to shove your hand down into the recess, and you don't need to buy any special bags. Just your regular kitchen trash bags will do. We still use this and keep it right next to the trash can in the garage. Why don't we just throw the diapers in the big trash can? Because it smells to high heaven every time you open it. We just open the diaper pail on trash days, remove the offending bag, spray the inside with odor neutralizer (Sol-U-Mel) and put in a new bag.

What you don't need:
A table lamp:, Save your money. What would you use the table lamp for? Are you planning to read a book during your midnight feeding? If you turn on that lamp, expect to be up with a wide-awake baby all night. Now, a super dim night light next to the changing table is helpful for midnight diaper changes, but make sure it is super dim. I just cracked the door a little instead.

I really can't think of other things you don't need because that was all I really had. Hmm. Maybe others can chime in on this topic.

Stay tuned for more unsolicited advice.

Unsolicited Advice - Vol 2: Books to Read

When I was pregnant with Grant, I was obsessed with learning all that I could about babies and newborn care. Thankfully, there are a lot of great resources out there! Here are my top picks:

1 - The free Baby Talk magazine. Get a subscription. It is packed with articles about newborn care and gives you lots of information about what your body is going through. Sure, there are some controversial articles (mostly about nursing vs. bottle or family bed vs. crib), but those are kind of fun, too.

2 - On Becoming Babywise - In a nutshell, this book helps you to train your child's eating/sleeping patterns so that he or she is more predictable and you are better able to meet his/her needs.

It is a pretty controversial book, but it was massively helpful for me. The people who don't like it or don't think it works are typically people who didn't really read the whole thing or didn't actually try it. I would read it BEFORE you have your baby. Moms who read it while struggling with feeding/sleeping issues get pretty frustrated (plus their hormones are working against them). (Edit: Rachel, you will have lots of moms tell you that the book did not work for them. It seems that moms who didn't have success in this area are A LOT more vocal than moms who did. I think that those of us who were successful feel a little guilty and don't want to rub it in the other moms' faces, so we don't talk about it much. Trust me, though. There are many, many moms who swear by the principles in the Babywise book. Oh, and in the beginning of the book, the doctors explain that if the child has health problems then the book is probably not for them.)

Word of caution, though: Use your own mommy-instincts. Every child is different. The book makes it sound like if you do it right, your child will take nice, long naps every 3 hours and sleep through the night in a couple of months.

Grant and Cole were both Babywise babies. Once we had things down, it was easy to predict what was going to happen with our boys. One time I dropped Grant off at T&B's and said, "In about 1/2 an hour, he is going to get fussy. You need to put him down for a nap. That will last about 30-45 minutes, then he will wake up. You need to feed him right away. He should be happy for about 2 hours, then he will get fussy again. Put him down for a nap." Low and behold, he did exactly what I said he would do. See . . . he was a Babywise baby. That is the point. Not that your child will do things exactly like the babies in the book, but that he or she will do things according to a routine. I was totally thrilled when Cole behaved more like a Babywise baby (with longer naps!) and I was much more relaxed with his schedule than I was with Grant. Bottom line is that you have to be flexible.

As for "sleeping through the night", you really should look into the definition of this term. For some parents, "the night" means from 12:00am to 6:00am - basically the times that the parents sleep. Their night. My night is about 9:30pm to 7:00am, however I value time with my husband, so I put the baby to bed around 7:00pm. Is it reasonable to ask a newborn to sleep for 12 hours without eating? Nope. In fact, it is dangerous in the beginning (they could go into a diabetic coma - and I don't say that to freak you out, just make you feel better about feeding at night).

So, in the beginning, I put the baby to bed around 7:00pm, then fed him around 11:00, then 3:00, then 7:00. Not really a big deal. After all, I only had to wake up once or twice. And, he slept in between. Most doctors would define "through the night" as about 4 or 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. The baby's sleep, not yours. After a couple of months, we (the baby and I) woke for just one feeding. That lasted a while (maybe 5 or 6 months), then tapered off completely. And, I can say with all honesty that those middle of the night feedings were some of the most precious times.

Okay, I have gone off on a tangent here. Gotta get back on track. I'll cover feedings later.

3 - The Happiest Baby On the Block

When Grant was about 5 months old, Mitch was on a business trip and was watching a morning talk show. He saw the doctor who wrote this book, plus a few parents who tried it being interviewed and insisted that we get it. I checked it out at the library and absolutely loved it. It is very practical and totally works. It should be read either before the baby is born or in the first couple of weeks. It is for babies in the first 3 months when they are totally fussy and you can't figure out why. Yeah, Grandma will call it colic, but it probably isn't (I have SUCH opinions about this label!). The book will explain to you in very practical terms how to soothe your newborn. It was a bit late for Grant (because he grew out of that stage), but we practiced it on other babies in our care, then used it with Cole. LIFESAVER. Seriously. It will save your sanity. How I WISH we had it for our firstborn.

4 - The Girlfriends Guide to . . . - You will laugh your head off and maybe learn something in the process. It is very light reading and so much fun. When you are done with the first one, move along to the next and the next. Oh, you will love these books.

And now, what not to get:
What to Expect (blah, blah, blah) - Dumb book. Not well organized. Don't waste your money. If, however, curiosity has gotten the best of you, borrow the book. Most women who have been pregnant have it. If none of your friends have it anymore, you can always pick up a copy at Goodwill. You'll find lots of copies there . . . hmmm, wonder why?

Unsolicited Advice - Vol. 1: Maternity Clothes

My brother and his wife recently announced that they are expecting and I am SO thrilled! They are going to be the best parents.

I love giving all kinds of advice regarding children, but I have learned that timing is everything. So, I'm going to do a series of postings over the next couple of months BEFORE the blessed child makes his/her appearance. No one likes unsolicited advice when they are going through the pains of child rearing.

Anyway, here goes - Vol 1: Maternity Clothes

Buy your own good, basic maternity pieces now, while you still have the money. I would recommend a few pairs of jeans, some nice dressier shirts, a sweater or two and one nice, little black dress. In the beginning, you should be able to get away with buying the size that you are right now. So, if you are a medium, buy a medium. However, you probably won't be able to fit into medium in the last couple of months. Even my skinny friends had to go up a size in the end. Large is nothing to be ashamed of.

Try your best not to flip out on the young girl who directs you toward the plus-size section when you expressly asked where the maternity section is. She is ignorant and has obviously never been pregnant, so she has no idea how offensive that is.

Borrow the rest of your maternity wardrobe, but only from people who won't freak out if you stain their clothes. (Rachel, I saved all of my cute stuff for you!)

T-shirts are cheap and they get stained, so don't spend more than $10 on a t-shirt. You'll have to replace them for your next pregnancy anyway. Oh, and nursing shirts are pretty ugly. Don't bother. We will cover nursing gear in a later posting.

I wish I had known about the belly band. Apparently it makes your regular pants last SO much longer, plus they look sort of cool peaking out underneath your shirts. Buy one in basic black or white. Maternity camis are great, too. Your chest will grow, and it is nice to have a cami to rein them back in under your button-up shirts (otherwise you get the peak-a-boob effect). These should be extra long because your torso grows a bit (understatement) and unless you like the look of stretch-marked belly peaking out underneath the shirt, you will want to cover it completely. (By the way, if you DO like the look of the stretch-marked belly peaking out, we need to have a prayer meeting . . .)

Figure out your pants-preference. A word of caution, though: If you like the idea of below-the-belly pants, imagine what it will be like when your belly is larger. I do not have a flat backside, yet my below-the-belly pants refused to perch on my built-in shelf and were totally falling down by about 6 months. Borrow these. As much as you HATE the idea of the panel, you may change your mind in the last couple of months. Of course, at the VERY end, you won't want ANYTHING pressing against your tummy, so buy them in Large. (I had cute jeans in Medium for the first part of pregnancy, then Large, ugly things for the last half.) You can always stick with the stretchy pants. They are cheap and look cute under your tent-shirts (blah!).

You do not need maternity underwear. However, you do deserve new panties, so go on out and buy some bikinis. Then, buy new ones when the baby is born. You deserve it.

Don't buy any new shoes right now. It is a sad fact that feet typically grow a bit during pregnancy. I used to be a size 7 and now I am a size 8. Argh. Of course, you can get flip-flops and slippers. (I kept slippers under my desk at work.)

Come back for more unsolicited advice! My mind is whirling with "mommy-wisdom" and I just want to puke it out. (Oh, maybe not such a good thing to mention at this early stage, huh?)