Loopholes

If you have been a faithful blog reader for some time, then you know that I have a sort of strict interpretation of certain developmental milestones. For example, I won't announce that my child is rolling over unless it can be duplicated in front of a witness. I won't tell you that my child is crawling unless he can traverse across the entire living room. And, I won't gleefully announce that he is walking until he takes 15 or more consecutive steps without support. See, kind of strict. But . . . is it really? Hmm.

There is one area of development, however, that I would have GLADLY grabbed hold of the little loophole, had I known of its existence.

Potty training.

Had I known what I know now, I would have been MUCH more relaxed about the whole thing. I wouldn't have felt guilty every time someone brought the subject up, as if I was the one who peed my pants. I wouldn't have felt like a mommy failure.

For those of you who have not begun the potty training stage, let me enlighten you a bit. AS SOON as your child turns 2, people will start asking if he is potty trained yet. Hmm. You will notice that the older generation will ask you more frequently than moms your own age and that men of all ages will ask simply because they don't know what else to say in conversation. You will hear all about how little Johnny was out of diapers by the time he turned 18 months. Insanity. Thank goodness my grandma (who DID ask, by the way) told me that yeah, Johnny might have been out of diapers, but it was the mom who was potty trained, not the kid.

So, this became my definition of "potty trained". A child is not potty trained until he is self-sufficient on the toilet. I took that to mean that I wouldn't have to ask or remind my child to go to the bathroom. I wouldn't have to wipe. I wouldn't have to jump out of my seat and run to the bathroom to assist. I wouldn't have to wipe up drips or clean out potty seats (which I would never do anyway. More power to those moms who use potty seats.) Oh, and diapers at night were not an option.

Okay, so fast forward to child #1 turning 3. Still not potty trained. Didn't get to go to preschool. EVERYONE asking about his bowel movements. Me, feeling like a failure. Old ladies clucking their tongues.

My child was lazy. Pure and simple. He would rather keep playing while the poop piled up in his underwear. He didn't care.

So, one day, when Grant was 3 years and 3 months old, I decided that enough was enough. I did the unthinkable (according to psychologists) and told him that if he peed his pants he would get a swat. (Don't flay me!) I mean, the child knew what was what. He knew how to do his business IN the toilet. He just chose not to. It took us 3 days.

Read this candid email that I sent to my family just after we had potty training success!

Anyway, like I said, it took us 3 days after I decided that he was going cold turkey on the diapers. I cleaned up LOTS of messes. I changed sheets at least once a day, sometimes twice, for a week. At the end of it, though, my child pretty much fit my definition of potty trained. No diapers, ever. I only had to help him wipe the BIG messes. Oh, but I STILL have to remind him to wash his hands.

So, where is this loophole? Well, apparently, according to what I have learned recently, you can still tell everyone that your child is potty trained, even if they wear pull-ups at night. You can still brag that he was potty trained at 2 1/2 even if, at the age of 5, he is still waking you up every night because he has to go potty. You can claim victory, even if you are still wiping butts. So, relax . . . take a deep breath. There are loopholes. I wish I had known back then, but I'll remember this . . . after all, Cole turns 2 in June!